dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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