dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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