I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
