wanna go halves on a baby?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
