So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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