im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
