We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
