guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
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