the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
