There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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