I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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