She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It's never too late to be topless.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
