I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
