Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
