If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
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