Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
