you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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