did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
