i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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