My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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