; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
just tell him i said nine months
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
