Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
