I'm gonna have a badass scar
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
