i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
