he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
