So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
