I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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