Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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