Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
