I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
