Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
