She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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