i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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