Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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