if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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