I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
