Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
