You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you didnt know i had herpes?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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