He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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