You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
This is my gift to your gina
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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