The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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