I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
