my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
