Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize