He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
