so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
