i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
