i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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