I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Randomize
