he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just had sex on a roof
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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