It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
