She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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