The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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