I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
