In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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