Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
