We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Someone signed my nipple.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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