But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just found puke in my bra..
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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