dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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