Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
