you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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