apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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