another moral hangover. fuck.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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