I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
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Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
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We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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