are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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