can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
