The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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