sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
