I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
