Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
