at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
