I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
