I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
