hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
