so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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